so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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