My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
