erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
