I think my fart just growled at me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
