You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
