i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
