Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
