Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
