I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize