I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
