after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
