sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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