There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
