Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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