Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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