i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
