Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
