I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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