Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
