it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
