I wish I could teleport
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
