After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
