i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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