my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
that is very illegal...i love you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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