I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
