4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
