I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
