Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize
