You just made me feel so damn special
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
