You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
