Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
