His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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