I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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