The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
