i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
