if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
