we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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