he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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