don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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