why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
