it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
