I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
