Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
