Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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