I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
