I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
