I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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