You made me cry and you don't even care
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
