Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
