My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
