Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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